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Truth...

Truth is... I loved myself before the 45 lb weight loss.  Now?  I just love myself a lil extra, because I challenged myself and see my potential.  I know my worth.  I know who I am. I love being me AND.... NOBODY CAN CHANGE THAT!!!

#WTAL2012

Second chances...

Often, I thought, I wished, things had went differently in my previous relationship.  I often cried about it and wondered what I could have done differently.  Could I have been nicer, sweeter, more understanding, less clingy, more conventional, more dependent or independent?  What did I do wrong? In my mind, everything! What could I change? Well, there was one thing I couldn't change and that was the past.  I couldn't recreate those moments.  They were in the past...

However, the good thing about second chances is that you have the opportunity to prove the past wrong. You have the power to embrace the past, but not allow it to re-evolve.  You have the opportunity to change your destiny.  Not even for one second will you lose yourself, instead you will become a better version of yourself.  But how? 

Focusing on yourself: Well for me it's going to go in this order.
1. God
2. Me/Family
3. Church
4. Dreams

Through this time of "grieving" I've had the opportunity to  grow so much closer to God. It's not that I never knew Him or wasn't exercising my faith in Him, but now it's on a completely different level that sometimes I'm shocked at my relationship with Christ.  He is the very first person I think about when waking up, when going to bed, and just the one I think of throughout the day.  He's my very reason for existing.

I've also made use of my time by studying harder than ever for the ASVAB.  I've learned so many new vocabulary words, that occasionally I even get to use them in regular conversation.  I get a little smile or smirk on my face when that happens.  I've also become more diligent with workouts. I still need improvement in this area, but going to Zumba classes help me forget about every problem in my life and give me the chance to let loose & have fun.

I attend church regularly every Sunday.  However, it's time that I find away to serve in a church ministry. I'm praying for direction for this area.  I want to serve in an area that interest me and that I will continue to pursue.

So, one area didn't workout for me, but using this time to push forward in other areas is making it all worth wild. It's my second chance to make my dreams happen and perserve.  It's something I feel I've done my whole life and although it sounds great. Going through the process isn't always easy. You want to abdicate the process, but enduring the process is worth the great reward.

Friendship...

What friendship means to me?

If we meet again and you ask for forgiveness.  I will say "There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24*) Then I'll grab your hand and smile. :)

Forgiveness....humbleness.... it'll take you far.

Thanks for blogging with Skubi! :)

Valubility

This morning I woke up thinking "valubility".  This word kept ringing in my head.  I jumped to the computer, well to the bathroom first, ;) then to the computer to figure out if this was an actual word.  It's not, but I had this strong sense that it should mean something to me.  What I get from this word is that I am valuable with abilities, hence "valubility"  I will be taking this word with me to help me endure every task I encounter today, this week, and possibly this year.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13) I am very valuable to Jesus Christ and he gives me the ability to conquer anything with him by my side.

Mentally Exhorting

My body has officially finished the winding down stage.  Today, is my liquid only day.  Starting off early this morning.  I'm off so this will be challenging, but also mentally exhorting, instead of mentally exhausting. A couple days ago a regular customer of mine told me he quit smoking. I was so happy for him.  I often tell smokers that it's mental. They think this girl has no idea what it's like to be in "my" shoes because she doesn't have this "bad" habit.  Many of those customers will go on to tell me they quit for a year and picked the habit back up.  However, they're forgetting that it's not the habit that is the struggle it is where they have positioned their mental state.  If you continue to think that a cigarette (insert your "bad" habit) is going to make you feel better, then in you're mind it does.
As I went on to congratulate the customer for his great achievement I decided to ask him "Do you think it's all mental?" His response "Yes!"

I'm here to tell you that it is the same in weight loss or in any "bad" habit you face.  It's all about choices and the decisions you make.  I never thought I'd see the day I'd go without food or abstain from ABPS (alcohol, breads, pasta, and sweets.) I mean my happy foods were breads, cakes, candy bars, debbie cakes, rice crispy treats, and need I make myself look more greedy!?  It was something I looked forward to and got excited about the very opening of a box of Oreos.  However, now God has positioned me to a new level of thinking. 

Most people will tell me "you don't have to do all of that."  Well, they're right, I don't, but I want to.  There comes a point and time in you're life where you decided to challenge yourself.  I've told many of my friends time and time again my weight loss journey is not just that, but it's spiritual too and it's also apart of my relationship with Christ.  How?  Well, God gives us the desires of our hearts, right?  Well, this is one of my desires.  Also, keep in mind I initially began this weight loss journey to enter the military.  This is still my main focus, but also I enjoy it.  I feel better inside and out.  I'm also more motivated and willing to help others with the same weight loss journey when I put God first. 

That takes me back to the mental exhorting.  By praying I'm able to encourage myself and depend on God that he will help me achieve this desire.  It is not God's will that we be defeated in anything.  He loves us. He will keep our mental state (thoughts) on the right path, if we just seek Him, be vulnerable, and ask for what we desire.  God will guide us.  For some of us it's guiding us straight to the gym or for other's it might be guiding us away from the 7-11 to pick up a pack of cigarette's.  Whatever your "bad" habit is God is here to mentally guide you.

Thanks for blogging with me.  I hope this helps.

Better than the Day Before

Each day is better than the day before even, if it doesn't feel like it. I am making progress and making a conscious effort to move forward with my life. I decided I will not be moving to San Antonio for the job with Frito Lay - Pepsi.  I felt that tug from God that wasn't the direction for my life. What is the direction for my life? Only God knows!

Today, at work a guy (customer, that was NOT trying to hit on me) says, "Are you from the Islands?" I replied "No, do I have an accent?" He says "No, you look like you're from Barbados or Aruba." I thought to myself those people are gorgeous, so I took that as a compliment.  :)

Also, after work I had a missed call and a voicemail from my Mommie.  She said that one of the ministers at my church asked about me and said that "I should learn a 2nd language. She believe that they haven't seen the last of me. That I will be international and do great things." So, this will be something that I keep in my back pocket as a confidence builder for rough days like today. Also, I'll be praying about it for God's guidance. Maybe he can explain this to me and lead me how to obtain such gifts & then direct me where to use these gifts.

Throughout the week I am reminded of this song by Vickie Yohe "I'm at peace even though my heart is breaking." I am also reminded of T.D Jakes sermon "The Silence of God" This is a time in my life where God is silent, so many different things are occurring in my life that I don't understand. I really need to depend on God for everything!!! I don't get it now, but I'm hoping one day he'll show me what all of this was meant for.....

Preparing for WTAL 2012... I'll be so ready to receive!!

There's a purpose through the pain

God loved me so much that he would allow me to go through this pain, so that he can give me the desires of my heart. :)

"It's not about the condition, but it's about the position. We focus so much on what we are going through and not our position. What is your position?" (paraphrase from T.D Jakes)

Moving on... moving forward!

How do I deal with a break-up and transitioning back into "the real world" (my world) after leaving Corea.

I am reminded daily "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

"Nothing in your history, is stronger than your destiny." -T.D Jakes .  Whatever has happened, is just that, has happened!  Whatever is for me is for me & whatever isn't, just isn't for me.  It's funny the situation that happened to me 10 years ago basically happened to me again, 10 years later .  However, I didn't handle it as best as I would have liked, but I still handled it better, like a lady and with grace. I'm learning from it, forgiven and moving forward stronger than ever with God. My faith is so much deeper and rooted in Christ.  I don't know who the lucky man will be, but whomever he is God is preparing such a great lady for him.  If I had to go through all this to wait for that special man... It was all worth it!

Interview

I'm being more open with my life at 30.  I still want to remain a private person, however, the more vulnerable I am to Jesus the more empowered I feel about life.  I know that whatever is suppose to happen in my life... will... happen!

I have an interview with Frito Lay - Pepsi.  I passed the phone interview, so they invited me to a face-to-face interview in San Antonio.  I'm so excited.  I'll fill you in about the outcome as news arises.

Thanks for blogging with me!

Free

Better & Better each day! Break ups are hard. Sometimes, you get closure sometimes you don't. However, day by day God is giving me peace. He is sweeter & sweeter as the days go by. Singing... "Sweeter than anything I know... oh!" I love you Jesus! :)

Randomness: Criticism

Learning at 30:

Take whats good, leave what's bad and keep on walking. Eat the meat and leave the bone. This is how you accept criticism.

Graduations, Family & Fun

I'm home, I'm home... home sweet, home!! I am in Topeka, KS, folks. My nephew is graduating and I am home to see him walk across the stage! I am so happy for him. I was able to go abroad and yet make it to see all my nieces and nephews graduate from high school. I deserve the best Anchie (auntie) award... ok, jk. Anyways. I haven't seen my family since I left for my 2nd tour to Corea in July 2011. Its been close to a year, that's the longest I've stayed away from my family. I am ready for some good food and fun! Then back to SC and hopefully I'll pass both of these pre-employment exams and then I can blog about having a REAL job! :)

Take care, til next time!

P.S -  Btw, I have a sister that has to know everything before she should, but today we pulled one over on her. I mean she even knew when we threw her a surprise party. Well, today we got her good. Everyone knew I was coming to Topeka except her. She was so excited! It was a well deserving surprise for her. My Mommie was excited too! We all were glad to pull one over on my sister too lol! Good times!

Back to the US update

Hey!!!

As you all know I'm back in the States. While I am here I'm working on base until I can get something stable that I like. It's been eventful working on base. There are many guys that come in, but I can't say that there's a lot of eye candy at Fort Jackson. It's ok, but I can't say that I'm really looking to date at this point in my life either.

So, what else is new!? I started a new weight loss competition with my friends on facebook. There are about 20  of us. Some of us are losing weight and I am excited about that, since being home I've lost an additional 7 pounds, making it a total of 35 lbs, since 2/2010. The competition is officially over tonight at midnight. I'm glad for all the encouragement the ladies gave each other. I've learned that support during weight loss is vital.

Well, there's not much else to say, just living life and God is teaching me things daily. I hope all is well with everyone. :)

Take care,
Skubi

The Skubi Cleanse

I am no longer living in South Corea. I arrived back in the US Feb 29th at 11 PM. I am so happy to be home and in my new location, which I may reveal later. However, I want to stick to the topic. I have been wanting to do an extreme diet, even tho lots of people are against. I wanted to do this diet for more than just the weight loss. I wanted to do it for spiritual, mental and maybe even emotional reasons. We know that relocating can be one of the many life changing experiences in a persons life.  Although, I am doing very well I still have those moments of wondering, when I think "What am I doing next? What am I doing here? What is going to happen? etc" I think you get the point. So, I've really felt that I need this time to digest everything that is going on in my life, things that have happened in my life, and where I want to head in my life. I think this is the perfect time for me to give this  a shot. I mean I've got to try. I'm already going into this realistic knowing that I'll do well or I may fail. For me either is okay for now, because I just want to at least let myself know that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13.

Note: The only thing I am no going to do that is highly suggested is the ease in. One day of fasting is a trial for me so 10 will be a tribulation. So, 15 days (including the 5 day ease in) is NOT gonna happen this time. Besides I just decided to do this today. lol!

Anyways, Day 1 of the Master Cleanse Diet starts March 19th, 2012... my 30th birthday! :) I'm going out of my 20's with a BANG! And into my 30's with a BANG!

Anyways, I'll do my best to update this every night to let you know how it went! :) I'm excited are you? Join me? You can do it too!